It took me a long time to realize just how powerful our mindset really is. When I was at my lowest, I completely blame my mindset; the constant negativity was slowly drowning me. I didn’t understand how to be more positive and had basically just accepted anxiety & depression as a part of my life. That was my “give up” attitude and it was toxic as hell. Do you have a toxic mindset? If so, it is the #1 thing holding you back from happiness!
In this post, I want to outline the warning signs of a toxic mindset and give you the same tips I used to flip that into a more positive outlook. Having a more positive outlook and a non-toxic mindset completely transformed my life. There is no need to wallow in sadness and negativity. You can change if you truly want to. The only thing standing in the way of happiness is you and, perhaps, a toxic mindset.
Do you Compare your Life to Others on semi-regular basis?
We are all guilty of doing this. With social media being at the forefront of our daily lives, it’s easy to see someone else and think how much better their life appears than ours. Here’s a cold, hard fact of life: Somebody is always going to have it better than you and someone is always going to have it worse.
Instead of comparing where you are in your life to where somebody else is, take note of the differences. Life isn’t ever going to be fair. It just isn’t and you know what else? The world doesn’t owe you shit. Sorry, but it’s true. Want something? MAKE A PLAN TO GET IT.
Things are sometimes going to come easier for other people than they are for you and the opposite is true as well.
Don’t play the comparison game. It’s a losing battle every damn time. Focus on what you do have and what you can do. Constant comparisons to others’ lives is a huge part of having a toxic mindset. Be grateful for the positive aspects of your life and be happy for others instead of harboring resentment. It’ll get you nowhere.
Do you do things to please others, even when it’s not in your best interest?
It is not selfish to lookout for yourself FIRST.
Again, it is NOT SELFISH to look out for yourself FIRST.
Helping others is great but we can’t give water to others when we are carrying around an empty glass. People pleasing just for the sake of being “liked” isn’t going to get you anywhere.
Never sacrifice your happiness for the sake of somebody else. Period.
Do you engage in Negative Self Talk?
Yeah, we all talk to ourselves. Our internal dialogue is so much more important than we realize. Putting yourself down constantly is only going to drag you down and can have a harsh impact on our mental health.
I used to only focus on the negative aspects of myself and it was killing me. Thoughts like: “I’ll never get this weight off” or “My skin will never look better”, or “I’m never going to get anywhere” are all examples of negative self talk.
Find ways to focus on the positive aspects of yourself. Here are some examples of toxic thinking versus positive thinking when it comes to self talk:
- Instead of thinking/believing “I’ll never be able to lose this extra weight”, think/believe “I’m going to make a plan and lose this weight.”
- “If I create a better skincare routine, my skin will improve” > “My skin looks like shit.”
- Instead of “I’ll never get anywhere”, think/believe, “If I make a plan and take the right steps, I can accomplish x by y.”
Look, we all have bad days and while it’s nearly impossible to crush all negative self talk, you have to find more positive ways of looking at things. Focus on CHANGE versus accepting things you believe are wrong with you.
A GROWTH mindset is going to get you a hell of a lot further than a toxic one.
Do you surround yourself with negative people?
We’ve all met people who are overly negative, complain all the time and wallow in the “woe is me” bullshit. It’s not selfish or rude to minimize your interaction with these types of people, or cut them out of your life completely.
Negativity breeds negativity.
Here are some traits of negative/toxic:
- Constant Complaining
- One-Sided Conversations ONLY
- People who always want something from you
It’s time to get more positive people in your life. You don’t deserve to be surrounding by toxic people.
Do you play the pity card? Do you find that you always view yourself as a victim?
I loathe the pity card and those who play it constantly. Shit happens to all of us and sure, it sucks but dwelling on it is tasteless.
If you always blame others for your issues, that’s a toxic mindset. YOU are the only one in control of the outcomes that occur in your life.
Yes, there are absolutely circumstances in which you can be a victim. However, if the common denominator of “everything going wrong” is you – you’re the one who needs to make changes – not anybody else. Without sounding too heartless, your shitty decisions are your own and nobody else can be blamed for them.
Again, plan to MAKE CHANGES instead of focusing on “life being unfair.” Life is f*cking unfair. Accept that. Even the playing field by making positive changes.
Do you feel like you can change others?
Another fact: You can’t change anyone. People only change when they truly want to.
Accept it. Don’t focus on changing others. Instead, work on changing yourself.
Focus on Positivity, Personal Growth and Nourishing that which makes you Happiest.
Having that toxic mindset was an awful period of my life but it was one of the greatest learning experiences I’ve ever had. I realized that I was focusing on all the negative aspects of my mental health instead of being grateful for the good things, (and yes, even in your darkest times, there is good if you look for it).
I earnestly believe that my changing my mindset is what has benefited my mental health more than anything else ever had. It wasn’t easy to do. It took time and a lot of lifestyle changes but in the end, I’m better. I haven’t had a panic attack in a very, very long time when they were almost a weekly occurrence. I’m no longer on any medication and I’ve never been happier.
Focus on your growth and stop being so damn negative. It’s life-changing. You can get better and be better but ONLY if you want to. Take steps. Make changes. I promise, you’ll be happier than ever.
It’s all on you. Nobody else.